


maybe this time i'll win

by nosecoffee



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron needs to be protected from my angst, Angst, Coming Out, Crushes, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Character Deaths, Thomas is a bit of an ass, shitty coping mechanisms, shitty school musicals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 04:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7962793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecoffee/pseuds/nosecoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm fine, I don't need a boyfriend."</p><p>Aaron takes his phone out and checks the time.</p><p>"Wrong. You do, you look so lonely all the time. Even Theo thinks so."</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe this time i'll win

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Maybe This Time I'll Win', from Cabaret

The first time, the first time he's four, and he doesn't really register it. He is barely old enough to know what love is, let alone focus it on one particular person that wasn't a part of his immediate family, but he knows when he looks at the dark haired waiter, that he is gorgeous.

The waiter's name is Hercules, like the Disney hero, and he tells Aaron that he's cute.

Aaron insists that they keep going back to the restaurant until Hercules isn't there anymore. He forces his mother to ask where he went.

They tell her that he was fired for being an incompetent employee.

They don't go to that restaurant anymore.

-

The second time, he's seven, and this boy's name is Jonathan Bellamy. Bellamy is his age, and in his class and he's Aaron's best friend.

Once again, Aaron does not know that he likes Bellamy, a bright boy with dark hair and large eyes, and a missing tooth and a playful nature.

He just knows that Bellamy is close to him and that he likes holding his hand.

Bellamy moves away the next year and Aaron doesn't know why he misses him so much.

-

The third time, he isn't even a student. Aaron is nine. He's a teacher, a substitute that Aaron sees more than his actual teacher.

His name is George Washington and Aaron just thinks he's a good teacher. It's not a crush per-se, but more like admiration. Aaron finds himself picking wild flowers in the trees at recess nonetheless and presenting them to Washington once class begins again.

The admiration - or crush, if he was honest with himself now - soured when Washington took one look at the flowers and wrinkled his nose, telling Aaron to throw them out, because they were weeds.

Mr Washington didn't leave, but Aaron once again lost that sense of belonging that Washington had given him.

-

His name is John Laurens, and Aaron is ten, and Aaron can't decide if he loves him or simply adores him.

Lafayette, John's real best friend, the one with the broken arm and the love-sick puppy-eyes for Laurens, is jealous, Aaron can tell. He's so obviously in love with him that it's scary.

John is amazing, and Aaron cosies up to him, ignoring the withering glances Lafayette shoots him when he knows John isn't looking.

Coincidentally, John's big piano recital is on a day that Lafayette calls in sick. Aaron goes there to support his friend, and John kisses him on the cheek in thanks afterwards.

Aaron smiles smugly to himself, wondering how Lafayette would react to that.

-

And then his parents die.

-

Sally tells him that they're better off where they are.

Sally tells him that their uncle will take care of them.

Sally holds him when he cries and tells him that everything will be alright.

Their uncle moves them away, and they go to a new school and Aaron hates it.

-

He is thirteen, and his name is Thomas, and Aaron hates him.

He's hated everything since his uncle moved them away from New Jersey to Virginia and enrolled them in a new school.

Thomas is both the worst thing and the best thing about the whole situation.

He's tall, and has curly hair, and can sing like an angel, and Aaron hates him with a passion. He doesn't show it.

Schooling his emotions so that they don't show on his face is getting easier and Aaron is frightened of how far he's pulling away from Sally.

Aaron joins the chapel band, for lack of anything better to do, and ends up doing back up vocals and harmonies for Thomas. It's not what he wanted. It's good enough. It's close enough.

Thomas begins to date a girl with dark skin and wide eyes called Martha. She promptly goes to Africa for three months with her family.

At the end of band practice one day, after everyone's left, while Martha's still gone, Thomas pushes Aaron up against a wall and kisses him with too much teeth, and his hands on his hips. Aaron doesn't know how to respond. So he doesn't.

Thomas stops.

Aaron's so glad that he does.

  
When his uncle dies in a car crash, he and Sally get implemented into the foster system and end up back in New Jersey.

He never sees Thomas again, and for that fact, he's glad.

-

The time that he really knows what's going on, his name is James and Aaron is fifteen.

James is small and quiet and smiles at Aaron and laughs at his jokes, and he's so different from everyone else.

Aaron had never considered that he was gay. Maybe he should have recognised that the admiration he felt for certain boys he saw wasn't always admiration, and James helps the process along a bit.

Aaron goes on a date with a girl called Theodosia and she kisses him when he walks her home. He spends the bus ride home knowing that there won't be a second date.

Theo says she understands when he tells her that he doesn't think they'll work out, and they remain friends.

Aaron's glad of that. Theo is a wonderful person.

-

James doesn't like him like that.

James is friends with him, and is sweet, and texts him late into the night.

But James likes some guy he met on the Internet. And that guy seems to like him back.

Aaron knows for sure when he asks him out and James says, "You're my friend, Aaron. I'm sure there's someone else for you."

Aaron tries to take it well. Sally tells him that that's very mature of him.

He's scared that James hates him after it all.

He doesn't.

James and the guy from the Internet (Thomas-something that Aaron doesn't want to think about) start dating and Aaron accepts it with a smile and a 'congratulations'.

-

The last time, his name is Alexander, and Aaron is seventeen.

He's costarring in the stupid school musical - he needed extra credit in drama and like hell he was gonna fail - and John decides to bring his friend along to watch it.

Aaron reconnected with John when he found they were going to the same high school and they bonded.

"John, I swear to god, you don't have to try and set me up with all of your friends." Aaron tells him on the train over to the theatre.

John tuts and shakes his head. "I'm not. I'm telling you, Alexander is special, you'll love him."

"I'm fine, I don't need a boyfriend."

  
Aaron takes his phone out and checks the time.

"Wrong. You do, you look so lonely all the time. Even Theo thinks so."

Aaron rolls his eyes.

"I don't. Just lay off me."

John shrugs. "I'm just saying that you look like a lost little sheep half the time, nowadays. Always third-wheeling Theo and Angie, or me and Laf. I need to set you up so that you have someone to suck face with while I'm sucking face."

Aaron tries to argue but John cuts him off. "Remember that time when you went to the airport to pick me up and you saw Jemmy Madison there, on his way to Virginia to see his boyfriend? You looked on the verge of tears for about an hour afterwards."

"I did not."

"You really did."

"Fuck you. Fine I'll meet this guy. But if he's another smug bastard like Lee-"

John holds his hands up. "Lee was a mistake, I admit. Alexander's not like him, he's intelligent, and articulate, and, gotta admit, kinda hot. You'll like him, I promise."

The train doors open and they exit. "Yeah whatever. I'll meet him after the show."

John congratulates himself under his breath and walks Aaron down the street to the stage door.

-

Alexander, as it turns out, thinks the show is about as terrible as Aaron does, and John tells him that he only got half the jokes.

Alexander is a tiny bit shorter than Aaron, with sleek brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, and peach fuzz on his chin, and a whole lot of opinions.

John may have been wrong in one respect. Alexander isn't hot. He's cute.

John smiles at Aaron supportively when he glances at him occasionally.

He tells them that Laf's invited him over, and leaves them to get home.  
Aaron walks Alexander to the subway where they go separate ways.

"You live in Jersey?" Alexander asks, wrinkling his nose like an old third-grade teacher Aaron had had once.

"Yeah," Aaron replies, smiling at Alex's betrayed look. "I'm guessing you live in the city, right? Nobody's got a hatred for Jersey like New Yorkers."

Alex shrugs. "Lived there for a while. It's just kind of habit to hate you."

"It's not so bad, really. You should come see it with me some time."

Alex smiles. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Aaron shrugs. "Yeah."

Alexander laughs. "What the hell. Show me your disgusting city and what I can learn to love about it."

"I'd love to."

Aaron gives Alex his numbers and they climb onto different trains.

He texts John to tell him that he did well.

Sally meets him at the station.

"What're you so smiley about?" She asks.

"Met a boy." He replies.

"Ah," she's silent for the rest of the walk home.

Maybe this time, he thinks to himself. Maybe he'll be the one that stays.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed. Please comment and kudos because it's amazingly awesome for my self esteem. My Tumblr is @nose-coffee if you wanna track me down and follow me/send me prompts/yell. Again, thank you.


End file.
